"You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is 'never get involved in a land war in Asia' – but only slightly less well-known is this: 'Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line'! "

Monday - April 29, 2013

So we've established that I know nothing about Sicily if the sum total of my knowledge is limited to one line in The Princess Bride (both a great book as well as great movie).  

The beauty of cruising (besides the 24/7 buffet that I am deeply, passionately and irrevocably in love with) is waking up each morning in a different place.  I enjoy  land based vacations as much as anyone, but there's a lot to be said for a vacation where each day you wake up in a different city or different country and you have to learn to say hello in a different language and learn a different culture.  

So when I wake up on Monday, I walk out onto the balcony and see this:

good morning Norwegian Jade!  I very much enjoyed your Hawaiian cousin Pride of America  - but why are you  still dressed up as Pride of Hawaii when you're in Italy??

oh!  Good morning to you as well Sicily!

Sicily was one of the more chill port of calls - meaning there's not some kind of site or attraction that requires endurance training for months beforehand (hi Ephesus) to survive it.  However, given that I knew absolutely nothing about it, I needed help to figure out what exactly it was we had to see in our one day there.  So of course I go to the source of all worldly knowledge - the internets!  Specifically, message boards and trip reports that mention Messina (the port in Sicily) and its surroundings (only now do you realize the true extent of my crazy obsessive geekiness).  The consensus among the the travelers was that Taormina, a small village built into the steep cliffs of Messina, was the one thing you had to see if you had one day there.  Done!

Except uh...how are we going to get there?  I ain't driving there, 'cause people there drive crazier than the Chinese, and that's saying something.  Public transportation also wasn't going to be feasible since the timetable sucked donkey balls, and I didn't want to pay 200 euros for a private car transfer.  So that left one option.  The cruise line's own transfer to Taormina package.  Yes, it's overpriced.  Yes, it sucks to be stuck on a bus with 60 other people, most of whom are older than dirt and move slower than molasses.  Yes, I hate further lining the pockets of the big evil corporation.  But it was the most convenient option - we wouldn't have to worry about getting there or back because the cruise line was handling it.  However, Taormina isn't big enough to need a guided tour (we didn't want to go olive tasting - yuck! or wine tasting - unless I wanted a big ass hangover with my parents) so I purchased the most basic package of all - Taormina On Your Own.  Doesn't that just say it all?  And those bastards charged us $49 pp to ride a big bus an hour up a steep, steep cliff with lots of switchback turns.  Whatever.  Anyhoo - this option means that we get to spend 3.5 hours there to explore, we could eat, shop, sit, snooze or stroll.  I immediately raised my hand and requested to eat.  But my mama was like - uh, you just had breakfast.  Sniff.

As became our habit upon waking, we headed to the Windjammer buffet for breakfast...along with the rest of the ship.  It's freakin' hard to find a table in the mornings it's so crazy.  We'd grab 3 sets of silverware and walk around the huge buffet until we found a table we wanted then we'd claim it by dumping the wrapped silverware on the table.  My dad would always be paranoid and grab a couple glasses of juice to put on the table as well.  This began my week of obscene, indulgent, extravagant gluttony that shames me a bit to remember.  I would literally eat more in one breakfast while on the cruise than I typically would in a week.  I just couldn't say no. I would grab a croissant.  And this little custard pastry.  Then the little apple pastry.  Then the little cinnamon roll.  Then of course I'd want a ham and cheese omelet.  Ooh...there's also hash browns, bacon, sausages, pancakes, waffles and french toast.  There was also cream of wheat, grits, oatmeal, cold cereals, toast, bagels, muffins, donuts, granola, yogurt and fruit.  Then there are the eggs and omelets cooked to order.  And some weird British breakfast items - like a grilled tomato.  What the hell??  For all you yellow folks out there (hi mom and dad!) there was also miso soup each morning with all the fixings - green onion, tofu, and seaweed on the side.  Of course I stayed away from all the healthy stuff.  After my omelet, hash browns, bacon and french toast I got this:

Clearly I am a shining example of healthy living.  Oooh...pastries.  Those were so good.  I'm not ashamed (okay, I'm a little ashamed) that I had those pastries every morning.  Though the donut wasn't so awesome.  I think Americans make better donuts - I ended up eating the part with the chocolate frosting and leaving the rest because they forgot to glaze the rest.  Who wants to eat a plain old unglazed donut???

After officially inaugurating my Week of Eating Like It's Going Out of Style, I waddled over to the Metropolis theater...where we had to line up, be assigned a bus (ugh!  I hate hate hate tour buses with a passion!), get a stupid sticker then grab a seat with the rest of your bus...only to remember that in our infinite wisdom, we left ALL OF OUR MONEY and credit cards in our room...in our safe where we dumped it all the evening before while congratulating ourselves on how careful and cautious we were being.  Yeah...so we're getting ready to take off on an excursion with NO MONEY.  In Italy.  Nooooooo!  So being the young agile one (well, compared to my dad, which ain't hard) I run ALL THE WAY back to our room hoping to God they don't leave before I get back.  A glance around our section showed that our bus hadn't filled up yet, so I was hoping for around 10 minutes.  I dashed out of the theater, up the stairs to the casino (this part of the ship was laid out kinda weird), ran through the casino then pushed all the buttons for the elevators.  Did I mention that the theater was at the very FRONT of the ship..on the 3rd floor?  And that our  cabin was at the very BACK of the ship on the 10th?  Fortunately, an elevator quickly arrived (which is not always the case) and I sprinted down the hallway to our room almost knocking our room steward over.  I slam into the room and open the safe taking out our ID's, credit cards and cash like I was a drug kingpin and facing an imminent police raid.  Then I run out of our room and through the entire length of the ship while wheezing up a lung the entire time.  I get back to the theater to see bus 26 called to leave the theater.  We are in bus 27, so I climb over a bunch of old white people and collapse in a seat next to my parents desperately sucking in air and feeling like my lungs are about to collapse.

When our bus is called, we troop out behind a local tour guide holding a big ol' 27 paddle and climb onto a big ass bus.  Ugh.  The ride to Taormina is along the Sicilian coastline and it's beautiful - it's the kind of drive you want to do in a convertible, not in a big ungainly bus with 60 other people.  It lasts about an hour and for over half of that time the guide was introducing us to the delights of Sicily.  She actually gave some good information, but I could see half the bus start drifting off to sleep.  When we arrive, we are in a big ugly multi-storied parking structure.  We troop off the bus and into a crush of people as all the cruise tour buses arrive at the same time and now we literally have hundreds upon hundreds of people trying to squeeze into 4 little elevators to reach the street level of Taormina (on a cliff and built into the hill).  After a stifling 10 minute wait which feels much longer, we manage to squeeze onto the elevator.  When we reach the street level, the guide offers to take anyone interested to a local wine shop for a tasting.  We are then told that we have three hours of free time.  

Standing outside the parking structure, I snap a few photos of the road we just drove up

We walk up a pretty steep hill and pass through the walls of the city.  I'm not entirely sure what it was I was expecting, but in my mind, I thought that Taormina would be kind of like Eze.  They're both small quaint villages built into a cliff.  They're huge tourist destinations but somehow manage to retain an old world charm with the good fortune to be situated in an incredibly beautiful location next to the sea.  But Taormina is not like Eze with its rabbit warren of medieval winding streets and steep steps.  Taormina is a lot more spread out than Eze and the city is more...even.  Whereas Eze required lots of climbing even once you've entered the city walls, Taormina is relatively flat once you've climbed up the hill and have passed the walls.  There are large squares and piazzas (well, not large, but relatively spacious) whereas Eze didn't have any of those because of its geography.

Piazza Duomo

The Duomo (I mean, there's gotta be a duomo if it's in the name, right?)

fountain in front of town hall

Palazzo Corvaja - built by the Arabs who ruled the place in the 10th century

the chick on top of the fountain is half bull and half woman (why??) and the symbol of Taormina

view from Piazza Duomo

and of course, being Asian, you gotta bust out the umbrella to avoid the basest evil of all: tans

It was hot.  Which was a surprise.  Paris was cold, sometimes freakishly so, and while Rome wasn't super cold, there was still a distinct chill most of the time.  Sicily was hot!  Being the genius that I am, I didn't look at weather reports for Greece or Turkey or Sicily when I packed - I only focused on Rome and Paris and ended up with a largely winter wardrobe.  I had ONE tank top - ONE.   Which I packed for hanging around on the ship where it's temperature controlled.  I had no spring or summer clothes at all - 3 t-shirts, long sleeved shirts, couple of sweaters...that was it.  So when I stepped out onto the balcony that day, I pulled on my one tank top...which like most of my clothes is black.  I was like a sun sucking void in my black tank, black pants, and black shoes (why oh why didn't I wear my flip flops?  I have some nasty ass tan lines on my feet now from my flats).  And I was hot.   (no, not as in muy caliente hot.  As in an egg will fry on my black hair covered head hot.)  So was my mama - except because she didn't want to look like a farmer (her words) she kept covered up and busted out her umbrella.  Her gold umbrella.  With flowers on it.  Which my dad, who is either completely secure in his masculinity or just completely oblivious (I vote for the 2nd) would sometimes carry for her.  Yes, a gold umbrella.  Oy.  We are soooo Chinese.

Taormina must get a lot of shoppers - because their main street, Corso Umberto, is lined with shops.  And it is a LOOONG street. It's completely pedestrian and not particularly wide, but there are a lot of clothing stores, most of them high end (there aren't a lot kitschy t-shirt shops there) with shoe stores and a lot of shops selling marzipan (an apparent local specialty) and pottery (another local specialty).  What really sucked was by the time we arrived, a lot of stops were closed for their siesta - at freakin' like 11:30 in the morning!  And they weren't opening up until 3pm - which is about when we had to leave.  Oh well - I didn't come here to shop for clothing anyway.  But my mama kept ducking into shoe stores to look for flashy shoes for Raymond, though they were really expensive there.  Even more so than Rome, and they didn't look any better.  I didn't buy anything here because I wasn't interested in marzipan nor obtaining another spoon rest with bright yellow flowers on it - instead, I was looking at gelato shops to figure out which one I wanted to try out.  Unfortunately before I could have gelato, we decided to walk around the city first to look around.

There's not a lot to do in Taormina - it's just the type of place you go to if you want to stroll around, appreciate the stunning views of the bay, and to absorb the atmosphere.  (of course there's beaches there too, but we weren't there for that.)  My mama decided to detour from the main street and started walking downhill on a small little side street.  We passed by pastry shops, lots of little cafes, and lots of stores selling pottery.  Then we found the residential area where they must live because it was neat, tidy and also very quiet.  

As we we wandered through the residential district (uh, lost as we had no idea where we were) we ran into what appeared to be a garden.  Why yes, it is a garden, it's Taormina's public garden in fact.  Nicest public garden I've been to.  Really big - fabulous views of the coast, lots of flowers, trees, bushes, various foliage.  They have fountains and even this random tree house looking thing.  We spent quite a bit of time just wandering around this place 1) because it's purty and 2) it was nice and cool overall because all the trees provided a lot of shade.

taking a break in the shade

After spending close to an hour in the park, we decide to head out of the park and head uphill towards the town center so we could shop for more flashy shoes.

I saw this and thought it was awesome.  Best satellite thingy ever

So we walk.  And I'm hot.  And at this point sunburned with some gnarly tan lines on my feet.  Then I see the promised land.  A thing of beauty I see (do I sound like Yoda now?) - I see Gelatomania.  Yes, the name is retarded.  And the place looks a bit kitschy too - but OMG - the best gelato I've ever had.  I had read about this place (either yelp, tripadvisor or Rick Steves) prior to our arrival, and I insisted on getting gelato here.  I was right!  My mama got the mango (and it was soooo good - it tasted like real mangoes) and it was so tasty that my dad wanted some too, except mom didn't want to share and made him get his own :)  So for the first time ever, my dad got his own gelato cone.  Yay!

I got mint and pistachio

I devoured mine while we sat on the stoop of the (closed) restaurant next to Gelatomania.  Then I looked longingly over at the store again.  My mama in her infinite wisdom then told me to just get another one.  We had't had lunch yet (and I didn't want any, I just wanted gelato) and I thought, what the hell - I'm on vacation, I'll work it off when I get home (which I haven't done yet).  So I walked into the store a bit embarrassed to be the fat ugly American and got another one.  Hehehe.  And it was just as good.

I think this was hazelnut (Nocciola) - it was so good I didn't care what flavor it was

Once we finished our gelatos, we strolled towards the Greek Theater, but it cost 8 euros to get in and we'd only have enough time to spend about 15 minutes in there and my dad was all "oh hell no" so we walked back again.  Then we found a place to sit in the shade while my mama went inside one of the 3,000 churches (okay, maybe not 3,000 - but a lot) and we were tired.  Hot and tired.  We had about 20 minutes before we had to meet up at the buses, so we just sat there even after my mama joined us.  When we got up she realized she had sat on some gross melted gelato or something.  Ewwww.  Fortunately, being super paranoid and ever prepared, I had a package of wet wipes so she could wipe down her butt.  Which she did, but then she was afraid people would think she peed herself.  Oh well.  We strolled towards the parking structure and made it back on the bus where most people dozed on the bus on the way back to the pier.  

At this point, my feet hurt like crazy, so when our bus pulled up in front of the cruise ships, I was about to sing praise hallelujah.  My mama however, decided she wanted to 1) check out Messina's cathedral and bell tower and 2) continue on her hunt for flashy shoes for Raymond.  I cried uncle and hobbled back onto the boat instead.  Dude - I was so bummed - the NCL ship had a welcome line or something with officers and they were playing Bob Seger and people were dancing around the gangplank and they had refreshments for those returning the ship.  Our ship had...hand sanitizer.  Lots and lots of Purell hand sanitizer.  Yay.

Since I had an overabundance of sugar rushing through my veins, I went to Cafe Promenade and got a tuna salad sandwich (cuz you need some fat and carbs to round it all out yo) to eat on the balcony.  My mom, not finding anything interesting at all in Messina came back and found that I hadn't been to the room yet.  Being the world's best mama ever, she picked up my flip flops and set out to find me in the ship so my poor abused feet could finally find some much needed relief (clearly we know where my priorities lie - I put my rumbling stomach over my feet).  I ran into her in the longest hallway ever to our room while holding my bounty from the cafe.  I love my mama!

I see it!  I'm there!  But where are my go go dancers?  Where's our band?  oh!   You can see our balcony.   It's the highest one and farthest on the left.  

I go and plop on the balcony and eat my sandwich.  Then I lounge around reading, playing games on my phone, and look at the photos we took for the day.  When the ship left Messina 7 pm, we conferred about what to do about dinner.  I usually love the dining rooms for dinner.  You're always assigned the same table, your waiter and assistant waiter get to know your preferences pretty quickly so your beverage of choice is usually already there when you arrive.  They make really good recommendations and give good advice not only on what to eat, but what to see and do.  Our wait staff on our last cruise was freaking awesome, and even though dinner was late and lasted awhile, we always really enjoyed ourselves.  Plus, the dining room is gorgeous (no photos this time since we only went once and it was so freakin' awkward), the service is always above par, and the food is always presented beautifully.  I love the feeling of our family gathering at the dining table at the end of the day with the clink of silverware and hushed conversation in the background as we talk about what we did together and separately as we're served our meals.  There's something so...civilized about it.  I went to the main restaurant and talked to the maitre'd to try to switch to a smaller table or at least move to the earlier dining time - no go.  He said there's a limited amount of small tables available ( I guess we got lucky our last trip) and as everything is overbooked, there's really no room for movement.  Prick.  I thought he was being an ass, but fighting about it wasn't going to change anything, so I just walked away.  Screw it - I like the buffet anyway.  So from that night on, we never went back to the dining room - we opted to buffet instead.  Honestly, it worked out better - we could eat whenever we wanted to and we could pick whatever food we felt like.  There was always an Asian option in the Jade portion of the Windjammer and it changed from day to day.  The first night was Chinese, then it was Japanese, there was Vietnamese, Thai, and Filipino.  Maybe the food was Americanized (Europeanized?), but I enjoyed a lot of the fish soups Jade had.  They'd also always have a variation of fried rice, wok'd vegetables, and chow mein, so my parents survived the 7 day cruise without too many complaints.  

There was always a variety of meat carved to order - one night they had steak grilled to order as well.  Sometimes they had crepes - and you could choose either sweet or savory.  But there was always a huge variety.  Not gourmet, but it rivaled the better buffets in Vegas in both variety and quality.  There were always a variety of soups and my favorite was always the chilled fruit soups.  There was watermelon, honeydew, strawberry, mango, and pineapple lychee soups that rotated from day to day.  One night they had clam chowder and another french onion.  Mmm...I'm about to drool on my keyboard.  Dessert also changed from day to day.  Aside from their ice cream machines, they also had one of the servers dish out ice cream from these huge containers by the desserts section so you could have a scoop to go with your cobbler or molten cake or bread pudding.  I never had anything I disliked, though I discovered that I wasn't a huge fan of mousse cake.  And also, I bake better cookies than them.     

After dinner, I went out to the deck and caught the last of the sunset.  Then I walked around the ship a bit before I went back to our cabin since I was tired.  And in food coma.

That's when I saw the first of our many towel animals on my bed.  Yay!  Funny how such a simple and silly thing can be so pleasing :)  I did notice though, that the cruise line no longer leaves chocolate mints on your pillow when they turn down your room - I suppose that's a result of budget cuts - though does it matter if they do since you're on a ship with unlimited amounts of food 24/7?

So thus ends our first full day of cruising.  Tired, I shower and then lay in bed reading until I fall asleep (yes, clearly we are party animals.  Seriously though, where do these people find the energy to hit the clubs after a full day of walking around in the sun?  Are they smoking crack?)  The next day is a sea day and I can't wait.  We've been constantly on the move since we left LA and I really, really, really wanted a break.  I just wanted to go and lay by the pool and eat all day and basically, walk around like a bum with bird's nest hair, no makeup, and dressed like a hobo.  

I'm going sailing (Part II - the part where we actually DO go sailing)

Sunday - April 28, 2013

After we woke up, we (by we I mean mom) decided to go back to the Trevi Fountain to see if the shoe store was open so we can buy Raymond some flashy two toned suede shoes he wanted.  We got to the store by 9:15 am and waited since their sign indicated they opened at 9:30 am.  We waited.  And waited.  Then we went to the fountain to take some photos since it was sunny and pretty and our photos from the day before looked so sad and dreary.  

Oh, we also dug in our bags and found some pennies (American pennies - hey a Euro penny is like, 1.3 U.S pennies) that we tossed (over the shoulder) into the fountain.  Then we waited some more.  Then I looked at the little handwritten sign on the door.  It was about 9:45 and the store was still dark.  The sign said "Chiuso la domenica".  I took out my phone and used the Google translate app.  Uh...it meant closed on Sundays.  Noooo!!!!  No flashy shoes for Raymond!!!    Once again dejected, we walked back to our flat and surfed the internet until it was time to leave.  The usual check out time is 10 am, but I asked Maurizio if we could leave at 11 instead since our train from Termini to Civitavecchia wasn't until 12:10 pm.  He wasn't going to be in his wine shop on Sunday, but he told us we could just hand our keys to his assistant who's manning the shop and she'll call for a taxi for us.  So at 11, we (carefully) carried (or kind of threw/slid) our luggage down  the steep stairs and wheeled two doors down to Maurizio's wine shop where we dropped off our keys and waited less than 5 minutes for the taxi to show up.  Our ride to Termini ended up being a little over 10€ because you're charged an extra 1€ per piece of luggage - but we got there by 11:30 and had about 40 minutes to wait.  My parents found a couple of seats while I wandered around Termini.

Termini is big.  And gray.  And kinda ugly. But that didn't stress me out.  What stressed me out was trying to figure out which platform our train was going to be on.  I  knew from prior research that when trains are listed on the board they don't necessarily list your stop, so you have to figure it out based on the train number instead.  I was stressed because there have been a lot of reports that the platform number for the trains to Civitavecchia aren't posted until about 10 minutes before departure - and the platform assigned is often one of the few that are VERY far away and requires carrying luggage down then up a flight of stairs (no, there aren't elevators).  Fortunately, we got lucky and our train ended up being assigned a platform within the main station instead of the annex.  Once the platform was assigned, we rolled our bags over to the correct platform and joined the horde rushing over as the train pulled up on time.  OMG.  There were SO MANY PEOPLE.  Most, if not all the people were taking the train to embark on a cruise.  You could tell because of all cruise line luggage tags (you're required to put it on your bag - it has your name, cabin number, floor, and which quadrant of the ship your room is in - for the porters since they've got to sort through thousands of pieces of luggage and deliver them all within hours) - there was Royal Caribbean, MSC, Celebrity, Crystal, Princess, Costa, Seabourn and AIDA from what I can remember.  When we arrived in port, they told us there were 15 cruise ships docked and that's why it was pandemonium.  Which it was.  I was about to have an aneurysm it was so bad.

But back to the train ride - I opted to book the Frecciabianca train from Trenitalia for our port transfer.  I looked into booking private car transfers to drive us from our flat to the Port of Civitavecchia.  Even now knowing the aggravation we would face at port with the shuttle problems and the near riot breaking out because RCL did an ass job of coordinating the shuttles and keeping order among hundreds of hot, tired, and pissed off tourists trying to storm the (rare) shuttles like it was the Bastille - I'd still do it again.  Why?  Because I'm a cheap ass, that's why.  I spent 72€ round trip for the three of us to take the Frecciabianca from Roma Termini to Civitavecchia.  I looked into the two companies that had the best reviews for reliabililty and service for private transfers.  Rome Cabs charges 140€ each way and Rome in Limo (we used them for our city tour last time and loved them) charges 165€ each way.  WTH.  Seriously.  Doing some research (because I wasn't going to spend 300€ for just a freakin' port transfer if I could help it) I found that you could take the train to Civitavecchia from Termini. There are local and regional trains that'll run about 5-8€ per person - but these are like subways - crappy seats, lots of commuters, nowhere to store luggage, and a lot of stops. The trips take anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half.  Frecciabiancas on the other hand, run on schedule, have reserved seating, no stops between Termini and Civitavecchia and have luggage racks in the center, ends, and above the seats of each train car.  Sold!  Granted, it's more expensive than the regional trains, but I didn't want to spend the whole train ride worried about who was coming on and off the train and if they were going to be able to steal our luggage.

We climbed onto our assigned train car and found our seats.  We managed to get on early enough to store our luggage on the luggage racks in the center of the car and sit and chill.  My parents were across the aisle from me and I ended up having 2 seats to myself, though I faced an older distinguished Italian gentleman who  just read his book and smiled at me once across our shared table.  I took my kindle out and read - the train ride was only about 40 minutes and flew by.  I thought there was going to be one stop between Termini and Civitavecchia at Roma Ostiense, but we had no stops and when the train started slowing down, I noticed we were traveling along the coastline at that point.  Once I saw the sign for Civitavecchia, I jumped up and started dragging our suitcases from the rack.  When the train arrived, it was a mass departure.  You couldn't get lost going to port if you tried - because it was literally a horde of people moving en masse the 2-3 blocks between the train station and port.  I had worried about finding our way - but clearly, this was not going to be a problem.

oh, so happy and completely ignorant of the crap that lies ahead at the port

What WAS a problem was evident upon arriving at the port.  The Port of Civitavecchia provides buses to ferry passengers to their cruise terminal...except because there were so many ships in port, it was a freakin' HOT MESS.  As far as I could tell, RCL had 3, yes, THREE port agents working this - there were HUNDREDS of us who arrived on the same train - it was convoluted and confusing.  People were crowding the sidewalks, the port shuttles didn't have appropriately large (and legible) signage indicating which ship they were ferrying, arguments were breaking out and people (crazy Asians) were just shoving their way onto the buses.  The problem wasn't so much there wasn't enough seats in the buses - but that there wasn't enough storage for the large suitcases everyone had in the lower compartments.  Every time a bus would pull up and the driver would come out and open the storage compartment, people would just run for the buses throwing their suitcases in and making break for the seats inside.  It was crazy - I'd never seen anything like it before, and dude - I've freaking traveled to China before.  Twice.  Do you know how bad it has to be to be worse than China?  Duuuude.  Unfortunately, the dock was too damn far to walk (about 3.5 miles) and we were stuck there - under the noon sun baking and marinating in our sweat and the body odors of the Europeans who didn't have the good manners to apply deodorant before going out in public (sob).  My mama had some mad skills - she dodged a bunch of people (okay, she cut in line, but there was no line - there was just a mob) and shoved her suitcase (and granted, she was pulling the smallest one) in the bus and ran up to get a seat.  She saw us staring at her from the horde as we were stuck in the middle being jostled by the crowd.  I couldn't even get close to a bus, and I was shoving people too.  It was sooo bad.  After close to an hour my dad got mad and said "let's just walk."  Uh...okay.

BAD IDEA.  EPICALLY BAD IDEA.  In fact, I will dub this the WORST IDEA EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.  (okay, aside from all the genocides and bad, bad things - like wars.  And the mullet).  But granted, the stupid retarded port agents told us it would only take a half hour to walk.  I would like to know on what planet it only takes a half hour to freakin' walk 3.5 miles while dragging a big ass suitcase?  But my dad set off, and I followed him.  SOOOOO STOOOOPID.  My arms were tired, I was hot and sweaty and frustrated as I dragged my big purple suitcase on uneven pavement behind my dad.  We walked about 15 minutes before we even hit a ship. It was the wrong ship.  In fact, we didn't know where we were and I convinced my dad we were lost.  He went inside the little office (shack) at the pier we ended up at and they told him to go back and wait for the shuttle because Royal Caribbean's pier is too damn far to walk.  So we walk the 15 minutes back.  At this time I think I'm about to pass out.  But I can't say anything because my dad's face looks like THE FACE OF DOOM.  I didn't want to set him off since the man is in his 60's and dragging an even bigger suitcase than me and wearing more clothing than my measly t-shirt.  If my arm was falling off,  I figured he was suffering even worse agonies, so even though I wanted to bitch and moan and sit down and cry, I kept quiet and sobbed on the inside.  And we engaged in the walk of shame back to the shuttle loading area.  In the half hour we were gone, the dumbasses managed to institute some kind of order.  Well, not so much order as it was no longer a riot (though people were still yelling - two chicks were calling each other bitches - not in the affectionate way I do - but in the throw down I'm-gonna-kick-your-hick-ass kinda way).  At this point I thought my dad's head was about to explode - he told me to wait by the curb while he stomped up to the pimply 20 year old port agent wearing an ill-fitting suit and just yelled at the kid about how we've been waiting for over an hour (well, we've actually been walking the last half in completely the wrong direction, but let's not quibble about that) and this was completely  unacceptable.  Poor kid stuttered, then gestured for me to come over and told us he'd get us onto the next shuttle bus.  And he did.  When we finally sat in the air conditioned bus, I was so relieved I thought I was gonna pee my pants.  [oh, btw, my mom didn't know about any of this because my dad didn't tell her.  He didn't want her to think he was any more retarded than she already thought he was.  Also, he was embarrassed that we dragged our suitcases around for a half hour completely lost and going the wrong damn way.  Hi mom!  Yes, we are retarded.  Surprise!]

So our shuttle takes us to the pier where we drop off our luggage with the porters and we check in.  Once we enter into the building, we see my mama there - she already managed to check herself in and has refreshed herself with cookies, lemonade and iced tea provided by the cruise ship.  Oh, she also has our passports so I couldn't check in even if I wanted to without her.  As I'm checking my dad and I in, the port agent nonchalantly passes me a handout while asking for my credit card for charges to the room.  I casually glance over at the handout until I realize it freaking says that our stop in Athens will not take place because of May Day demonstrations and protests.  I understand the cruise line's concerns since all the workers are on strike and there are protests all over the city.  But these dumbasses should've figured this out months ago.  Hell, myself and other cruisers even posted about it here.  I was aware of the protests and demonstrations months before and had been really disappointed.  It wasn't until a few weeks before our cruise that the Greek Prime Minister tried to move the May Day holiday from May 1st to the week after as not to interfere with Holy week festivities.  I received an email from PK Travel Greece, a tour agency I had contacted about private tours before I realized that all the sites would be closed for the holiday two weeks before we left stating that the government had decreed that the May 1st holiday be moved and all sites should be opened on May 1st.  So I booked a tour with her that included the Acropolis, the Agora, the Areopagus, the Plaka and Ancient Corinth for 240€.  Well...I guess it doesn't matter if the sites are open (and to this day I still don't know if the sites were actually open) if there's no one to work them.  Either way, the captain opted NOT to dock in Piraeus on May 1st and instead, we'd be going to Ephesus on May 1st instead of the 2nd.  Though the captain tried to arrange it so we could go to Athens on May 2nd, there wasn't any room at the Port of Piraeus for us on the 2nd.  This is what severely pisses me off.  They shouldn't have waited until the last minute to change the freakin' itinerary - this was NOT an unexpected unscheduled event - EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD knew about this as it happens every year - and the cruise line should've done something about this MUCH earlier than the day we were sailing off.  So not only am I incredibly disappointed that I'm not going to get to see Athens, now I have to contact all the vendors for our private tours to rearrange everything and cancel my Athens excursion on top of being really pissed off at the cruise line for their laziness and lack of foresight.  (You can see I'm still pissed off about this and I've been home a week.)

So, completely stressed out at this point and afraid I was going to lose reception upon embarking on the ship (I didn't, but I was crazy stressed and pissed), I sat my ass down on a crappy plastic chair next to the crappy restrooms at the port and start emailing Ephesus Shuttle and PK Travel Greece to 1) beg and try to move our Ephesus tour to May 1st and 2) to cancel our planned excursion to Athens and Corinth and Google the crap out of their cancellation policy.

At the end of the day, I wasn't penalized for cancelling our Athens tour and Ephesus Shuttle was very good about accommodating the change (our guide in Ephesus told us that their agency had over 30 bookings from our cruise ship alone and there was a lot of scrambling to get guides for all of us since 5/1 is also a holiday for Turkey).  So even though I was starting the cruise all pissed off and stressed out, it did all work itself out. Whew.  (I'm exhausted just reminiscing about it)

So once my rambling and desperate emails are sent, I embark.  Ahh...we head to our room where I'm quite happy (and it's bigger than it looks in the photos) with it, I change into my beloved Rainbow flip flops that haven't gotten a whole lot of wear so far, and I mosey my way to the buffet to begin my Week of Eating Like It's Going Out of Style.

Then we go to our room and take some photos.  Like these awesome ones:

For the rest of the afternoon, we chill out.  We unpack, our room steward (Claudu - love him!) comes and introduces himself, we have the muster drill (even more important now after the Costa Concordia capsizing  - seriously?  They sunk a luxury cruise liner?  morons) and I go off and explore the ship.  Navigator of the Seas is a Voyager class ship and the largest one we've been on.  Brilliance, the last ship we were on was a Radiance class ship - RCL's mid-size ships that are gorgeous because there's a lot of glass that lets in a lot of light and the ship is built on graceful lines.  Navigator on the other hand, was the largest ship in the world when it was built.  It is gargantuan.  Although compared to the new ones being built, it's not considered so large - but seriously, because our room was an aft room, it took a thousand years to walk there the ship was so large.  Instead of just a few shops tucked away like smaller ships, this ship had like, a mall.  There were stores of all kinds (clothing, makeup, jewelry, liquor, cigarettes, dry goods, snacks, tux rentals...) and a lot of pubs.  Irish pubs, piano bars, wine bars, champagne bars, and my favorite - Cafe Promenade, which served snacks 24/7 along with coffee, tea, and juice.  It also had a Starbucks attached to it and a Ben & Jerry's too.  Mmm...

looking up from the Promenade

the Solarium, my preferred pool because it's quieter and no kids are allowed

the library - with the biggest most comfortable couches - if I wanted some quiet, this is where I'd slip off to

After I explore the ship (which took hours, and I was literally just strolling around) I went back to the room for sail away.  Party animals gather on the pool decks where they've got bands and beer, but I just wanted  the quiet of my balcony.  

Tired after the long day I had, I end up falling asleep and napping for a few hours.  Yes, I'm old and weak.  We were assigned late seating for dinner, which is at 8:30 pm, and honestly, it's just too damn late for me.  But we change and go (no flip flops, ratty jeans, or holey t-shirts allowed in the dining rooms) and realize they've stuck us at a large table for 10.  We seriously lost the lottery when it came to dining companions.  Some tables have fun lively people. We have quiet sullen people.   We have a family of three Americans who ignore everyone else, an older couple who I think are German who only look at their plates and barely talk to each other, and 2 Italian women who talk at a rapid pace but don't speak English (or they pretend they don't speak English) and my mama is hiding behind her menu and yawning every other minute.  After one VERY awkward hour (dinner service is slower than molasses) we opt to leave without dessert.  I make excuses to our waiter (who was super nice) and uh, lie and tell him we're jet lagged and too tired for dessert and we make a break for it.  My mama suggests we go to the buffet to see if there's dessert there - but they shut down at 9:30 pm.  (oh, btw, my mama straight up went to the buffet around 7 pm and ate a plate of food already.  She was bragging about the size of the scallops she ate.)  I could've gone down to Cafe Promenade at this point for dessert, but I was actually tired and opted not to even though I have to admit I felt a little deprived.  Which I more than made up for during the next week when I ate the world.  In fact, I may have eaten the entire solar system, not just the world.  

But full from shrimp cocktail, prime rib and baked potatoes, finally showered so all the gross dust and grime of the day was cleaned off, I climb into my (surprisingly comfortable) sofa bed that Claudu made up for me (I lurve Claudu, I really do) and fall asleep before I finish reading the page I was on.  

The next day - we wake up to Sicily!