"You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is 'never get involved in a land war in Asia' – but only slightly less well-known is this: 'Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line'! "

Monday - April 29, 2013

So we've established that I know nothing about Sicily if the sum total of my knowledge is limited to one line in The Princess Bride (both a great book as well as great movie).  

The beauty of cruising (besides the 24/7 buffet that I am deeply, passionately and irrevocably in love with) is waking up each morning in a different place.  I enjoy  land based vacations as much as anyone, but there's a lot to be said for a vacation where each day you wake up in a different city or different country and you have to learn to say hello in a different language and learn a different culture.  

So when I wake up on Monday, I walk out onto the balcony and see this:

good morning Norwegian Jade!  I very much enjoyed your Hawaiian cousin Pride of America  - but why are you  still dressed up as Pride of Hawaii when you're in Italy??

oh!  Good morning to you as well Sicily!

Sicily was one of the more chill port of calls - meaning there's not some kind of site or attraction that requires endurance training for months beforehand (hi Ephesus) to survive it.  However, given that I knew absolutely nothing about it, I needed help to figure out what exactly it was we had to see in our one day there.  So of course I go to the source of all worldly knowledge - the internets!  Specifically, message boards and trip reports that mention Messina (the port in Sicily) and its surroundings (only now do you realize the true extent of my crazy obsessive geekiness).  The consensus among the the travelers was that Taormina, a small village built into the steep cliffs of Messina, was the one thing you had to see if you had one day there.  Done!

Except uh...how are we going to get there?  I ain't driving there, 'cause people there drive crazier than the Chinese, and that's saying something.  Public transportation also wasn't going to be feasible since the timetable sucked donkey balls, and I didn't want to pay 200 euros for a private car transfer.  So that left one option.  The cruise line's own transfer to Taormina package.  Yes, it's overpriced.  Yes, it sucks to be stuck on a bus with 60 other people, most of whom are older than dirt and move slower than molasses.  Yes, I hate further lining the pockets of the big evil corporation.  But it was the most convenient option - we wouldn't have to worry about getting there or back because the cruise line was handling it.  However, Taormina isn't big enough to need a guided tour (we didn't want to go olive tasting - yuck! or wine tasting - unless I wanted a big ass hangover with my parents) so I purchased the most basic package of all - Taormina On Your Own.  Doesn't that just say it all?  And those bastards charged us $49 pp to ride a big bus an hour up a steep, steep cliff with lots of switchback turns.  Whatever.  Anyhoo - this option means that we get to spend 3.5 hours there to explore, we could eat, shop, sit, snooze or stroll.  I immediately raised my hand and requested to eat.  But my mama was like - uh, you just had breakfast.  Sniff.

As became our habit upon waking, we headed to the Windjammer buffet for breakfast...along with the rest of the ship.  It's freakin' hard to find a table in the mornings it's so crazy.  We'd grab 3 sets of silverware and walk around the huge buffet until we found a table we wanted then we'd claim it by dumping the wrapped silverware on the table.  My dad would always be paranoid and grab a couple glasses of juice to put on the table as well.  This began my week of obscene, indulgent, extravagant gluttony that shames me a bit to remember.  I would literally eat more in one breakfast while on the cruise than I typically would in a week.  I just couldn't say no. I would grab a croissant.  And this little custard pastry.  Then the little apple pastry.  Then the little cinnamon roll.  Then of course I'd want a ham and cheese omelet.  Ooh...there's also hash browns, bacon, sausages, pancakes, waffles and french toast.  There was also cream of wheat, grits, oatmeal, cold cereals, toast, bagels, muffins, donuts, granola, yogurt and fruit.  Then there are the eggs and omelets cooked to order.  And some weird British breakfast items - like a grilled tomato.  What the hell??  For all you yellow folks out there (hi mom and dad!) there was also miso soup each morning with all the fixings - green onion, tofu, and seaweed on the side.  Of course I stayed away from all the healthy stuff.  After my omelet, hash browns, bacon and french toast I got this:

Clearly I am a shining example of healthy living.  Oooh...pastries.  Those were so good.  I'm not ashamed (okay, I'm a little ashamed) that I had those pastries every morning.  Though the donut wasn't so awesome.  I think Americans make better donuts - I ended up eating the part with the chocolate frosting and leaving the rest because they forgot to glaze the rest.  Who wants to eat a plain old unglazed donut???

After officially inaugurating my Week of Eating Like It's Going Out of Style, I waddled over to the Metropolis theater...where we had to line up, be assigned a bus (ugh!  I hate hate hate tour buses with a passion!), get a stupid sticker then grab a seat with the rest of your bus...only to remember that in our infinite wisdom, we left ALL OF OUR MONEY and credit cards in our room...in our safe where we dumped it all the evening before while congratulating ourselves on how careful and cautious we were being.  Yeah...so we're getting ready to take off on an excursion with NO MONEY.  In Italy.  Nooooooo!  So being the young agile one (well, compared to my dad, which ain't hard) I run ALL THE WAY back to our room hoping to God they don't leave before I get back.  A glance around our section showed that our bus hadn't filled up yet, so I was hoping for around 10 minutes.  I dashed out of the theater, up the stairs to the casino (this part of the ship was laid out kinda weird), ran through the casino then pushed all the buttons for the elevators.  Did I mention that the theater was at the very FRONT of the ship..on the 3rd floor?  And that our  cabin was at the very BACK of the ship on the 10th?  Fortunately, an elevator quickly arrived (which is not always the case) and I sprinted down the hallway to our room almost knocking our room steward over.  I slam into the room and open the safe taking out our ID's, credit cards and cash like I was a drug kingpin and facing an imminent police raid.  Then I run out of our room and through the entire length of the ship while wheezing up a lung the entire time.  I get back to the theater to see bus 26 called to leave the theater.  We are in bus 27, so I climb over a bunch of old white people and collapse in a seat next to my parents desperately sucking in air and feeling like my lungs are about to collapse.

When our bus is called, we troop out behind a local tour guide holding a big ol' 27 paddle and climb onto a big ass bus.  Ugh.  The ride to Taormina is along the Sicilian coastline and it's beautiful - it's the kind of drive you want to do in a convertible, not in a big ungainly bus with 60 other people.  It lasts about an hour and for over half of that time the guide was introducing us to the delights of Sicily.  She actually gave some good information, but I could see half the bus start drifting off to sleep.  When we arrive, we are in a big ugly multi-storied parking structure.  We troop off the bus and into a crush of people as all the cruise tour buses arrive at the same time and now we literally have hundreds upon hundreds of people trying to squeeze into 4 little elevators to reach the street level of Taormina (on a cliff and built into the hill).  After a stifling 10 minute wait which feels much longer, we manage to squeeze onto the elevator.  When we reach the street level, the guide offers to take anyone interested to a local wine shop for a tasting.  We are then told that we have three hours of free time.  

Standing outside the parking structure, I snap a few photos of the road we just drove up

We walk up a pretty steep hill and pass through the walls of the city.  I'm not entirely sure what it was I was expecting, but in my mind, I thought that Taormina would be kind of like Eze.  They're both small quaint villages built into a cliff.  They're huge tourist destinations but somehow manage to retain an old world charm with the good fortune to be situated in an incredibly beautiful location next to the sea.  But Taormina is not like Eze with its rabbit warren of medieval winding streets and steep steps.  Taormina is a lot more spread out than Eze and the city is more...even.  Whereas Eze required lots of climbing even once you've entered the city walls, Taormina is relatively flat once you've climbed up the hill and have passed the walls.  There are large squares and piazzas (well, not large, but relatively spacious) whereas Eze didn't have any of those because of its geography.

Piazza Duomo

The Duomo (I mean, there's gotta be a duomo if it's in the name, right?)

fountain in front of town hall

Palazzo Corvaja - built by the Arabs who ruled the place in the 10th century

the chick on top of the fountain is half bull and half woman (why??) and the symbol of Taormina

view from Piazza Duomo

and of course, being Asian, you gotta bust out the umbrella to avoid the basest evil of all: tans

It was hot.  Which was a surprise.  Paris was cold, sometimes freakishly so, and while Rome wasn't super cold, there was still a distinct chill most of the time.  Sicily was hot!  Being the genius that I am, I didn't look at weather reports for Greece or Turkey or Sicily when I packed - I only focused on Rome and Paris and ended up with a largely winter wardrobe.  I had ONE tank top - ONE.   Which I packed for hanging around on the ship where it's temperature controlled.  I had no spring or summer clothes at all - 3 t-shirts, long sleeved shirts, couple of sweaters...that was it.  So when I stepped out onto the balcony that day, I pulled on my one tank top...which like most of my clothes is black.  I was like a sun sucking void in my black tank, black pants, and black shoes (why oh why didn't I wear my flip flops?  I have some nasty ass tan lines on my feet now from my flats).  And I was hot.   (no, not as in muy caliente hot.  As in an egg will fry on my black hair covered head hot.)  So was my mama - except because she didn't want to look like a farmer (her words) she kept covered up and busted out her umbrella.  Her gold umbrella.  With flowers on it.  Which my dad, who is either completely secure in his masculinity or just completely oblivious (I vote for the 2nd) would sometimes carry for her.  Yes, a gold umbrella.  Oy.  We are soooo Chinese.

Taormina must get a lot of shoppers - because their main street, Corso Umberto, is lined with shops.  And it is a LOOONG street. It's completely pedestrian and not particularly wide, but there are a lot of clothing stores, most of them high end (there aren't a lot kitschy t-shirt shops there) with shoe stores and a lot of shops selling marzipan (an apparent local specialty) and pottery (another local specialty).  What really sucked was by the time we arrived, a lot of stops were closed for their siesta - at freakin' like 11:30 in the morning!  And they weren't opening up until 3pm - which is about when we had to leave.  Oh well - I didn't come here to shop for clothing anyway.  But my mama kept ducking into shoe stores to look for flashy shoes for Raymond, though they were really expensive there.  Even more so than Rome, and they didn't look any better.  I didn't buy anything here because I wasn't interested in marzipan nor obtaining another spoon rest with bright yellow flowers on it - instead, I was looking at gelato shops to figure out which one I wanted to try out.  Unfortunately before I could have gelato, we decided to walk around the city first to look around.

There's not a lot to do in Taormina - it's just the type of place you go to if you want to stroll around, appreciate the stunning views of the bay, and to absorb the atmosphere.  (of course there's beaches there too, but we weren't there for that.)  My mama decided to detour from the main street and started walking downhill on a small little side street.  We passed by pastry shops, lots of little cafes, and lots of stores selling pottery.  Then we found the residential area where they must live because it was neat, tidy and also very quiet.  

As we we wandered through the residential district (uh, lost as we had no idea where we were) we ran into what appeared to be a garden.  Why yes, it is a garden, it's Taormina's public garden in fact.  Nicest public garden I've been to.  Really big - fabulous views of the coast, lots of flowers, trees, bushes, various foliage.  They have fountains and even this random tree house looking thing.  We spent quite a bit of time just wandering around this place 1) because it's purty and 2) it was nice and cool overall because all the trees provided a lot of shade.

taking a break in the shade

After spending close to an hour in the park, we decide to head out of the park and head uphill towards the town center so we could shop for more flashy shoes.

I saw this and thought it was awesome.  Best satellite thingy ever

So we walk.  And I'm hot.  And at this point sunburned with some gnarly tan lines on my feet.  Then I see the promised land.  A thing of beauty I see (do I sound like Yoda now?) - I see Gelatomania.  Yes, the name is retarded.  And the place looks a bit kitschy too - but OMG - the best gelato I've ever had.  I had read about this place (either yelp, tripadvisor or Rick Steves) prior to our arrival, and I insisted on getting gelato here.  I was right!  My mama got the mango (and it was soooo good - it tasted like real mangoes) and it was so tasty that my dad wanted some too, except mom didn't want to share and made him get his own :)  So for the first time ever, my dad got his own gelato cone.  Yay!

I got mint and pistachio

I devoured mine while we sat on the stoop of the (closed) restaurant next to Gelatomania.  Then I looked longingly over at the store again.  My mama in her infinite wisdom then told me to just get another one.  We had't had lunch yet (and I didn't want any, I just wanted gelato) and I thought, what the hell - I'm on vacation, I'll work it off when I get home (which I haven't done yet).  So I walked into the store a bit embarrassed to be the fat ugly American and got another one.  Hehehe.  And it was just as good.

I think this was hazelnut (Nocciola) - it was so good I didn't care what flavor it was

Once we finished our gelatos, we strolled towards the Greek Theater, but it cost 8 euros to get in and we'd only have enough time to spend about 15 minutes in there and my dad was all "oh hell no" so we walked back again.  Then we found a place to sit in the shade while my mama went inside one of the 3,000 churches (okay, maybe not 3,000 - but a lot) and we were tired.  Hot and tired.  We had about 20 minutes before we had to meet up at the buses, so we just sat there even after my mama joined us.  When we got up she realized she had sat on some gross melted gelato or something.  Ewwww.  Fortunately, being super paranoid and ever prepared, I had a package of wet wipes so she could wipe down her butt.  Which she did, but then she was afraid people would think she peed herself.  Oh well.  We strolled towards the parking structure and made it back on the bus where most people dozed on the bus on the way back to the pier.  

At this point, my feet hurt like crazy, so when our bus pulled up in front of the cruise ships, I was about to sing praise hallelujah.  My mama however, decided she wanted to 1) check out Messina's cathedral and bell tower and 2) continue on her hunt for flashy shoes for Raymond.  I cried uncle and hobbled back onto the boat instead.  Dude - I was so bummed - the NCL ship had a welcome line or something with officers and they were playing Bob Seger and people were dancing around the gangplank and they had refreshments for those returning the ship.  Our ship had...hand sanitizer.  Lots and lots of Purell hand sanitizer.  Yay.

Since I had an overabundance of sugar rushing through my veins, I went to Cafe Promenade and got a tuna salad sandwich (cuz you need some fat and carbs to round it all out yo) to eat on the balcony.  My mom, not finding anything interesting at all in Messina came back and found that I hadn't been to the room yet.  Being the world's best mama ever, she picked up my flip flops and set out to find me in the ship so my poor abused feet could finally find some much needed relief (clearly we know where my priorities lie - I put my rumbling stomach over my feet).  I ran into her in the longest hallway ever to our room while holding my bounty from the cafe.  I love my mama!

I see it!  I'm there!  But where are my go go dancers?  Where's our band?  oh!   You can see our balcony.   It's the highest one and farthest on the left.  

I go and plop on the balcony and eat my sandwich.  Then I lounge around reading, playing games on my phone, and look at the photos we took for the day.  When the ship left Messina 7 pm, we conferred about what to do about dinner.  I usually love the dining rooms for dinner.  You're always assigned the same table, your waiter and assistant waiter get to know your preferences pretty quickly so your beverage of choice is usually already there when you arrive.  They make really good recommendations and give good advice not only on what to eat, but what to see and do.  Our wait staff on our last cruise was freaking awesome, and even though dinner was late and lasted awhile, we always really enjoyed ourselves.  Plus, the dining room is gorgeous (no photos this time since we only went once and it was so freakin' awkward), the service is always above par, and the food is always presented beautifully.  I love the feeling of our family gathering at the dining table at the end of the day with the clink of silverware and hushed conversation in the background as we talk about what we did together and separately as we're served our meals.  There's something so...civilized about it.  I went to the main restaurant and talked to the maitre'd to try to switch to a smaller table or at least move to the earlier dining time - no go.  He said there's a limited amount of small tables available ( I guess we got lucky our last trip) and as everything is overbooked, there's really no room for movement.  Prick.  I thought he was being an ass, but fighting about it wasn't going to change anything, so I just walked away.  Screw it - I like the buffet anyway.  So from that night on, we never went back to the dining room - we opted to buffet instead.  Honestly, it worked out better - we could eat whenever we wanted to and we could pick whatever food we felt like.  There was always an Asian option in the Jade portion of the Windjammer and it changed from day to day.  The first night was Chinese, then it was Japanese, there was Vietnamese, Thai, and Filipino.  Maybe the food was Americanized (Europeanized?), but I enjoyed a lot of the fish soups Jade had.  They'd also always have a variation of fried rice, wok'd vegetables, and chow mein, so my parents survived the 7 day cruise without too many complaints.  

There was always a variety of meat carved to order - one night they had steak grilled to order as well.  Sometimes they had crepes - and you could choose either sweet or savory.  But there was always a huge variety.  Not gourmet, but it rivaled the better buffets in Vegas in both variety and quality.  There were always a variety of soups and my favorite was always the chilled fruit soups.  There was watermelon, honeydew, strawberry, mango, and pineapple lychee soups that rotated from day to day.  One night they had clam chowder and another french onion.  Mmm...I'm about to drool on my keyboard.  Dessert also changed from day to day.  Aside from their ice cream machines, they also had one of the servers dish out ice cream from these huge containers by the desserts section so you could have a scoop to go with your cobbler or molten cake or bread pudding.  I never had anything I disliked, though I discovered that I wasn't a huge fan of mousse cake.  And also, I bake better cookies than them.     

After dinner, I went out to the deck and caught the last of the sunset.  Then I walked around the ship a bit before I went back to our cabin since I was tired.  And in food coma.

That's when I saw the first of our many towel animals on my bed.  Yay!  Funny how such a simple and silly thing can be so pleasing :)  I did notice though, that the cruise line no longer leaves chocolate mints on your pillow when they turn down your room - I suppose that's a result of budget cuts - though does it matter if they do since you're on a ship with unlimited amounts of food 24/7?

So thus ends our first full day of cruising.  Tired, I shower and then lay in bed reading until I fall asleep (yes, clearly we are party animals.  Seriously though, where do these people find the energy to hit the clubs after a full day of walking around in the sun?  Are they smoking crack?)  The next day is a sea day and I can't wait.  We've been constantly on the move since we left LA and I really, really, really wanted a break.  I just wanted to go and lay by the pool and eat all day and basically, walk around like a bum with bird's nest hair, no makeup, and dressed like a hobo.