Good morning Chania! Well, it's actually good morning Souda. Because we're in the Souda port, which I have to admit is not the prettiest place, but it's the gateway to one of the prettiest places (supposedly).
 |
| Waving hello from the balcony |
This was going to be one of our slow-mosey-around-the-city-and-take-photos-days. Ahhh...I like those days. I was also looking forward to seeing Crete because everyone always talks about how stunning it is. I have to admit, even though I was underwhelmed at the port (you usually are, it's a working port, they ain't gonna pretty it up for you), I was still amazed at just how blue the water is. You always hear about the water in Greece, now I know what they're talking about. I hear that the Bahamas also has water that's crazy blue and super clear - mayhaps I should book a cruise there to investigate??? You know, all in the interest of intellectual curiosity.
Having done some research before our trip, there weren't really any excursions here - just city tours, and all the people who'd written trip reports and reviews indicated this was an easy port to do on your own - just hop on the 3 euro round trip city shuttle from the port into the city and walk on your own (unless you're fancy, you can get a cab into town for 11 euros). That sounded doable and just up our alley after our two back to back (supposedly - remember, we made these plans when we thought we'd be doing really long intense days in Athens and Ephesus on the first and second) days of touring cities of antiquity. Having a day to stroll around and take in the sights sounded like just what we'd need.
Once again, we gorged ourselves in a way that is not socially acceptable except on a cruise ship populated by other people gorging themselves like there will never be food again. We then got off the ship and headed to the little booth manned by the locals and purchased round trip shuttle tickets for 3 euros each. So cheap! And the ride is about 10-15 minutes long, so I feel incredibly self-righteous for condemning the corporate pigs @ Royal Caribbean for financially raping us the day before in Mykonos (okay, maybe not a raping, but most definitely a pillaging of the vacation coffers. I could've bought lots of gelato for that money!). After a ride through an ugly but industrial looking area, we're dropped off in the city. In the ugly city. Squat gray buildings, a lot of traffic...huh. This doesn't look anything like the pretty place other people have raved about. Where are the cute quaint shops? Where are the adorable cafes? Where's the Venetian Harbor and lighthouse and fortress? I just see an unattractive city stuck with 80's style architecture. I was disappointed. Even though I hadn't been planning on a big port, I thought we'd be walking through cute narrow streets lined with little shops to browse through and little cafes by the water we could sit and indulge at. This just looks like...L.A. The ugly part of L.A. There are a lot of buses, a lot of squat ugly buildings, a lot of people, and just a lot of congestion. What there isn't...a lot of color. *_*
I figure there's gotta be something wrong. Am I hallucinating from over ingestion of butter and fat? Did I have one too many daiquiris? We followed the crowds for a few minutes and I become more and more dejected. Wow...this place kinda sucks donkey balls. Do I have any photos to show you? Nope. Because it was ugly. And I was sad. And I was not going to take photos of a place that was ugly and sad (sob!). I see a little side street that's prettier and I suggest (or insist, however you want to phrase it) that we're going down this street.
We sit in the shade and I bust out my magic phone that has access to the interwebs. If nothing else, I was determined, determined I tell you that I was going to see the Venetian Harbor. So I lead my parents into the web of streets into their marketplace...which looks a lot like Hong Kong.
 |
| like Hong Kong nightmarkets, right? Except it's during the day time. And there's white people. Lots of white people |
There's a LOT of leather...lots and lots of leather. Bags of all sizes, shapes and colors, jackets (not as awesome as mine of course. Or if it is, there ain't no way I'm admitting it since these were less than half the price), shoes, accessories - it's a leather bonanza. They were selling leather belts for like, 2 euros! Of course, I don't know if these were leather belts or "leather" belts. Whatever - there was a lot of cheap stuff. Awesome! Except my dad was like, you have too much crap in your house, stop shopping. I ignored him of course and found a bath and body shop where I ended up buying bars (and bars and bars) of olive oil soap. The Greeks are very proud of their olive oil. I honestly don't know if they're better olive peeps or if the Italians are more into their olives (doesn't the best olive oil come from Tuscany? At least that's what they claim) - but I didn't care, I bought soap like it was going out of style. I figure hey, they'll be used, so they won't really be taking up space. It's only later that I realize hey! Target also sells olive oil soap. But I don't care. It's like the LV bag, someone can walk up and be like, "hey, you get that at South Coast Plaza?" and then I'm all (in a total douche move) "no, (sniff) I got mine in Paris." Except I doubt anyone is going to walk into my shower and ask me where my soap came from. Damn! My diabolical plan to appear sophisticated and worldly is already not working out so well.
So we walk up and down all these narrow streets that are all essentially selling the same things and I see this:
uh, ew. That's when I realize that whenever I'm wearing silk, I'm wearing something that came out of the ass of a worm. Grossness!
As I follow my Google map directions, we find our way out of the rabbit warren streets of Chania and tada! We find nirvana! Okay, not nirvana, but we found something purty. It's like Venice! (it's also kinda stinky, but not Venice stinky). Unlike Venice where the water was like toxic sludge that smelled like a China toilet, the water in Chania is incredibly clear - you can see all the rocks and pebbles at the bottom of the harbor. Hell, the water in So Cal isn't this clear!
And we're so excited. My parents are excited that I won't be bitching anymore and I'm excited that I have something to take photos of. Because I'm crazy like that.
 |
| it's after this photo was taken that I became aware of just how hot it had become and my desire to avoid an ugly farmer's tan reared its head and I spent the rest of the day with my short sleeves pulled up to my shoulders like a retard. |
 |
| entrance into the harbor |
 |
| my dad is totally rocking my mama's backpack purse. And her gold umbrella |
 |
| looking retarded lasts only a moment. But a farmer's tan lasts for a season |
It's freakishly hot! It also doesn't help that I'm wearing black. And have black hair that sucks in the sun like a black hole. I march into a little shop and buy a straw hat. And I make my mama buy one too. I got one with a flower. Yes, a flower. My mom picked it out - I've never owned anything with a flower on it. I mean, do I look like someone who owns articles of clothing which are 1) not black and 2) have flowers on them? Really. But hell, I'm on vacation, it's time to live dangerously. By buying a straw hat with a flower on it. Clearly my definition of living dangerously is a little different from most people's. But hats on our heads, we start wandering around the Venetian Harbor. It really is picturesque and charming. And there are LOADS of cafes all facing the water. We go from cafe to cafe indecisive (well, mom doesn't know which one to sit at) until my parents are tired halfway around and I abandon them on a bench while I explore a bit more on my own.
After awhile, I'm hot and tired too - and I realize that though this part of Chania is adorable (and it's the only part they publicize too yo. I went online to look for pics of Chania city to show how ugly it is - and I couldn't find any!) there's not a lot to do. It's just eating and shopping. That's it. After another pass by the little cafes, my dad (who is a big fan of the "free" food on the ship - he doesn't seem to understand the concept of prepaid) decides that we shouldn't eat in Chania, we should eat on the ship! Of course, that's always his vote, but this time I don't veto him. Because I'm not actually hungry and I just want something icy and delicious to drink (and I'm cheap enough not to want to pay 5 euros for it), I don't argue with him. Also, all the fried fish on the menu just didn't look that appetizing to me and I was already fantasizing about the desserts at the buffet. But then again, when am I not fantasizing about desserts at the buffet?
In agreement we should head back, we walk away from the port...and promptly get lost. So lost that not even my gps can't help us. Why? Because none of us were smart enough to remember (or document) just where our shuttle bus dropped us off. My mama lead us to this island with trees in the middle of the roadway convinced this was where our shuttle was suppose to pick us up from. Uh...no. But we found a group of old white folks (which means they GOTTA be cruisers) and they weren't super helpful either since they took a taxi here from port.
 |
| rocking my flower hat. This is the ONLY picture of me wearing it. I look so awesome, especially with my sleeves rolled back to avoid the farmer's tan |
However, one of the old guys pointed us in the right direction when he said "I think I saw some people (I presume these people looked like tourists) headed in that direction." And since we didn't have any other options (our last resort being a taxi, but we're loathe to do that as we're cheap asses), we had nothing to do and walk off in that direction. Well, lo and behold, we end up in the ugly place we'd found ourselves starting out from! Yay! AND there's a shuttle right there being loaded. Except it's pretty much full and standing room only at this point. Instead of waiting another 10-15 minutes for the next shuttle, my parents decide to just get on this full one and off we went...in a standing room only shuttle with people with their arms upraised to grab the oh-shit handlebars. In Europe. Where deodorant doesn't live. On a hot, hot day when the air conditioning on this shuttle is not at its optimal level. My nose was assaulted most grievously by the pungent stench of those uninitiated to the beauty of anti-perspirant. Oh, the humanity! Oh, the barbarism! Oh, I'm gonna pass out on a bus! The shame!
I manfully (womanfully?) breathed through my mouth feeling sorry for myself like I was breathing in toxic fumes that would disintegrate my lungs and made it through the bumpy stinky ride trying not to fall onto any odoriferous people whose funk would transfer onto my hair or clothes. AHHHHH!!! But I persevered, and I fell out of the bus dragging the salty sea air into my lungs like an Atkins dieter inhaling Krispy Kreme donuts after a long, hard fast.
We walked back onto our ship where we once again partook of the buffet. Mmm...buffet. I don't remember what I did for the rest of the afternoon (the encroaching senility you know) though I strongly suspect I likely fell asleep either on the couch, the balcony, or by the pool. In conclusion - I'm 92% sure I was conked out and drooling somewhere. But that's okay, the sight of me drooling can be no more traumatizing than the orangey man-boob-baring individuals who are in some need of manscaping.
As for my parents, they rocked out on the balcony after our ship left Crete.
 |
| no, really, he's happy. You can't tell? |
 |
| rocking her hat |
 |
| at some point I must have risen from my slumbers to photograph my parents, though I don't remember |
After dinner that night, we once again went to watch a show. This time it was 2 sets of performers. One was a duo of Ukrainian gymnasts (?) though they weren't built like gymnasts - you know, all squat and funny looking. They were both very slim and you could count the chick's ribs she was so skinny. But aside from her ribs she had no bones because her body bent in ways that God did not intend. Their act was kinda like Cirque du Soleil, except Cirque uses my comrades from the motherland. The production values were high - the lighting, music, and mood were all done very well. Interspersed with their acts would be this tall gangly balding middle-aged man who did very good physical comedy. He juggled, danced, performed tricks, and performed other assorted variety acts all without a word, but he was fun, engaging, and very entertaining.
When my parents decided once again to stroll around the ship (likely in the casino), like the old woman I am I went back to my room. And see a monkey. Wearing Marc Jacobs sunglasses. Okay.
 |
| hello and goodnight! |
Even though I'm sad that we've left our last port and our long planned and long awaited cruise is almost over, I'm also looking forward to the next sea day and one last day of strolling around Rome. As much as I've enjoyed myself (and as much as I dread returning to work), I kind of miss home. Really, I miss my dog. And my old achy back also misses sleeping on a real bed, not a sofa bed.
