Paris in the springtime!

Monday - April 22, 2013

A Segway is a thing of beauty.  I never thought those words would come out of my mouth...until I rode one. Granted, we had to wear the ugliest ass helmets evah and we looked like super dorks.  Super duper dorks.  But once you're on that baby leaning forward and flying by everyone else, you forget how retarded you look.  Sigh.  Now I want a Segway.  But let's rewind a bit.

So I wake up in wee hours of the morning.  By wee, I mean 2:30 am.  (btw, why does someone call it the "wee hours of the morning" - what does that even mean?)  I've never woken up at 2:30 am - I mean, I'll go to bed at that hour sometimes, but I don't get up then.  Ahh…the joys of jet lag.  I woke up on my sofa bed  and checked my cell for the time.  I’d slept for under 4 hours – but it wasn't surprising considering the long nap I’d taken earlier.  Except now I was hungry, and checking online, the boulangeries and patisseries weren't open until 7 am.  My stomach was rumbling.  And I was bored.  Not a good combination.  But I had 3.5 hours to wait until I could stuff my face with delicious buttery carbs.  What to do.  Then I remembered that I had NBA League Pass and there was a game on.  Yay!  So I powered up my laptop and watched the Spurs annihilate the Lakers.  Oh well, I’m a Clippers fan anyway.  I heard my parents wake up and we sat there in the apartment chowing down on the Korean snacks my mom brought with her (thank God for her mama senses in bringing snacks with her everywhere we go) and watched CNN, basketball, and surfed the web on our tablets and phones until it hit 7 am.

Once it was 7, I bolted out the door (dragging my parents) in search of the local Eric Kayser I knew was only minutes away from our apartment.  We stood outside as they opened the doors and we stormed in.  I used my (VERY) elementary French and made lots of hand gestures.  “Je voudrais un sesame baguette, deux croissant et un pain au chocolat s’il vous plait” I stuttered.  My parents looked impressed. Or maybe they just looked constipated and I couldn't tell the difference.  But if they were impressed,  it's because they probably thought I knew what I was doing.  For all they knew I could've been asking for the testicles of a goat.  But whatever.  The guy at the register spoke in rapid fire French.  I just kept nodding my head because the only thing I understood that came out of his mouth was “merci” and “bonjour”.  Regardless, I toddled out clutching my  bags of goodies.  We went back to our apartment and used the last of our bottled water to make coffee (the apartment had a fabulous coffeemaker as well as coffee in the cabinets) and had breakfast en francais!  Ahh...the deliciousness of their croissants cannot be adequately described.  I don't know what kind of magic they put into these, but they make Costco croissants (which admittedly, are the size of boats compared to French croissants) taste like ass.  Not that I know what ass tastes like.  But I like Costco croissants, and seriously, they taste like ass (or what I imagine ass to be) compared to Eric Kayser's croissants.  I'm drooling on my keyboard as I'm typing just thinking about them.  Mmmm...

can you see the buttery deliciousness and chocolaty goodness?

speculoos, nectar of the gods

Once it hit 8:30 am, my mama and I rushed over to the Carrefour and bought 6 large bottles of water for only 3.50€ (man did we get ripped off by the tabac), I bought a jar of Speculoos (some kind of magic spread that is guaranteed to make my ass expand), butter, milk and some fruit.  Then we hoofed it back to get ready for our day.  And man, did we have a long day planned.  It didn't sound that bad (long) on paper, but in reality, I was ready to cry uncle and sob like a little girl at the end of the day my feet hurt so bad.

So, the smart thing to do when you're going to visit the Eiffel Tower is to go to their website and make a reservation for a specific time you want to visit. This is how you avoid the freakin' 2-3 hour lines that wind around the legs of the Tower filled with people who didn't bother to do their research and have to wait a gazillion years to buy tickets.  I knew this.  But I procrastinated.  I mean, I even had the freaking webpage bookmarked...but because I procrastinated, the date(s) I wanted ended up being all sold out (sob!).  Undaunted, and also because there was no freaking way my lazy ass was EVER going to line up for hours for any tower, no matter how special, I found a tour that was conveniently on sale (15% off if you booked in March) that was a skip the line tour of the Tower.  The skip the line part was of crucial importance to me - I didn't think the guide would be that interesting (I would be wrong), but I figured I was spending the money for convenience and to save that most precious of commodities while on vacation - time.  Instead of 50€ per person, it ended up being 42.50€ per person which converted to $164.60 for the 3 of us.  

Well, in anticipation of eating like a cow for the next two weeks I suggested that we walk the 2.5 miles to the Eiffel Tower - I had Google mapped it and said it would take us 47 minutes to walk there from our apartment.  Since we were suppose to meet our tour group at 10:15 for the 10:30 am tour, we left around 9:20 am.  After some detours and stops (despite Google map instructions and the navigation app on my phone) we finally made it to "Pilier Sud", which was the south leg of the Tower we were meeting our group at.  

Our guide was some British guy who was from Cambridge - I can't remember his name for the life of me, but I thought he was excellent (I'm pretty sure he wasn't a Nigel.  Maybe a Giles?).  He had a dry wit, was knowledgeable, had a good grasp of both history and geography and had a lot of tips and recommendations for us tourists.  Once our group was all there, he gathered us together and ushered us to the front of the security line (yay!  I lurve feeling all VIP.  It's like when you've got a Fastpass @ Disney and you can sail by the 2 hour long line and say "see you suckers!"  hehehe) and we got onto the crazy elevators within minutes.  While waiting, I saw some crazy people actually CLIMB up the Tower (are they on crack?!).  I was also intrigued by the elevator we would be taking up the Tower as my ignorant self had no idea what it would look like since the legs of the Tower were curved.  

do you see the crazy people climbing?  look closely

the track for the elevator that takes you up to the 1st and 2nd level

the elevator that somehow magically climbs up the curved leg of the Tower  

We squeezed our way onto the elevator and ascended the leg of the Tower.  The view is obstructed by all the metal bars and rivets, but this is what you see when you're inside:

Once we arrived on the 2nd level, our guide gave us about 10 minutes of free time to wander around the platform for photos before he gathered us back together to take us to each side of the Tower to explain what we were seeing and how it's significant.

looking down at the Champ de Mars towards the Montparnasse building - they call it the "box the Eiffel Tower came in".  The Parisians hate this building with a passion, and they can't even take it down because they discovered there's asbestos in it.

I have no idea what this shows other than the Seine,  but everything looks teeny tiny!  :)

this was the beginning of our penchant for lopsided self portraits on this trip

After we wandered around the 2nd level, that was when our guided tour began.  Like I said, I wasn't expecting a whole lot, but I was pleasantly surprised.  In fact, we ended up spending more time at the Eiffel Tower than I had originally thought we would.  I figured we'd be there for an hour and half tops - we were there for close to two and a half instead.

listening to our guide (hi mom!)

After he took us to each side of the platform, he then answered whatever questions were thrown at him and gave suggestions as to where to eat, what to see, where to go and how to get there.  After tipping him we slipped off and got in line to take the elevator to the summit, which our tickets included.  I figure if we're going all that way, we might as well go up and see what it looks like up there.

Well...it made everything look...smaller.  And man was it cold up there!  It's a good thing I brought my fully loaded backpack - I stuffed sweaters, scarves, hats and gloves and yes, we did use it all (okay, I didn't wear my hat because I didn't want hat hair.  I'm vain dammit!) 'cause it was freakin' freezing!  Seriously, it's some sort of magic cold wind that slices through all the layers of clothing, so even as we were coming off the elevator, we were fumbling with our scarves and gloves.  Brrrr!

don't we look like we're going skiing or something? (which we've never been)

By the time we were ready to leave, it was about 1 pm, which didn't leave a lot of time for lunch (and we sorely needed to sit down at this point after walking miles to the Tower and standing around for a few hours) and then walking to City Segway Tours.  After getting a little disoriented (despite Google map printouts and Google maps on my phone) my parents asked one of the tour bus drivers for directions, and we made our way towards the offices of the Segway tour.  Instead of the nice leisurely lunch I had envisioned, we ended up in a small Greek/Italian joint on the way which was…average.  I had a not so good Pasta Carbonara, my mom had very average Spaghetti Bolognese, and my dad had a Margherita pizza that he thought was slightly nasty - he pulled off all the plasticky cheese.  Whatever – at this point we were tired and hungry and just wanted to place to sit down.  Maybe we just ordered the wrong things off the  menu as this place was hopping.  Lots of working people stopping in for quick lunches and lots of students streaming in and out.  Maybe the gyros were better than the crappy Italian they served, I dunno. But it was most definitely not delicious.  Thumbs down :(

We got the Segway offices a little early, but since they had restrooms (yay!) and some chairs and wifi, we were actually glad since we got to empty our bladders and then sit down for some much needed time off our feet.  We had to sign waivers and swipe our credit cards in case we destroyed one of the Segways, and after being fitted for super dorky helmets, we were on our way.  The guide (whose name I also don’t remember, but was a cool guy from Liverpool who nevertheless gave off a very surfer dude vibe) gave us instructions on riding the Segway and then took us on them individually – this lasted about 20 minutes or so.  My dad was the first of our family to get on out of our group of 10 and he had a really hard time finding his balance.  As he was wobbling on the Segway, I started wondering if it was a good idea to take my 60 year old parents on a Segway tour.  My mom started freaking out when she saw that my dad was having a hard time on it and wanted to know if she could back out.  In fact, she tried to hide behind me when our guide/instructor was calling for her turn.  With false bravado, I told her that it can’t be that bad – there were two other old guys on the tour, and if they could Segway, we damn well can too.  I wobbled a bit when I first got on, but it’s actually very intuitive and MUCH easier than riding a bike – once you understand it, it’s super easy to get the hang of it.  When the guide was assured none of us would face plant, he hooked us up with our own Segway machines.  And now I want a Segway.  It was SO freakin’ fun to zip around on those, even if we had to wear our dorky ass helmets. And oh, all the Segway had names.  Mine was called "I'm getting segsy back".  My dad's was "segs on the beach".  I'm pretty sure neither of them got the pun or paid attention, so they probably thought I was moron for laughing.  

at the tour office

This was an AWESOME way to see the city.  Instead of walking miles and miles, it was super relaxed and not strenuous AT ALL.  We zipped all over the city.  It took us 5 minutes to reach the Eiffel Tower (walking, it took us 15-20 minutes to get there) and it was so much fun.  We zipped up to Ecole Militaire that was founded by Louis XV at the urging of his premier skank, Madame Pompadour, and saw the Infantry school where Napoleon went.  We were lead to the Eiffel Tower from Champ de Mars while talking about the history of both the school and the Tower.  We also zipped to the Louvre, The Grand Palais, Place de la Concorde, Les Invalides, and through parks and numerous bridges including Pont Alexandre III.  We got to see sights we would've otherwise never have been able to fit in because we were able to zip around so quickly on our Segways.  It was a good mix of riding, history, and tips and I highly recommend this tour.  Forget about how stupid you look in your dorky helmet – you’re only self-conscious about it when you first put it on – but since everyone looks stupid together in your tour group, you're not self-conscious for long.  And you stop caring about how stupid you look when you’re riding around the streets because you’re having too much fun.  It was so fun that we’re looking into doing a Segway tour of Newport Beach just because we liked riding them so much.

you can sorta see my dad riding (and carrying my backpack for me)

doesn't this look posed?  awesome!

at Les Invalides (with our British surfer guide)

at the Louvre

talk about dorky family photos.  But who cares?

Place de la Concorde (you know, where they cut off everyone's heads during the reign of terror)

At the conclusion of the tour, even though I hadn't walked for the last 3 hours, I was really freaking tired at this point and I felt like my feet were going to fall off.  There was no way my ass was going to walk the 2.5 miles back to the apartment, so we hopped on the metro instead.  Dude – it literally took us about 5 stops and dropped us off across the street from our apartment at the Mabillon stop.  Score!

Once again, so tired at this time we were practically incoherent, we opted not to eat out and my mama busted out some udon noodles.  Yes, she packed udon noodles.  I know, we're so ghetto style.  They're the instant kind she bought at the Korean supermarket, but whatever this brand was – it was super good.  It came loaded with lots of goodies and for once I didn't bitch about eating in.  Especially eating instant udon when in Paris (oh, the shame).  This was because I didn't want to stuff my feet back into my shoes again and I didn't want to drag my ass anywhere else at this point.  I just wanted to sit on my butt, eat, then fall into a coma and not move for 12 hours.  And that’s exactly what we did (well, after we showered because we were gross and dirty and threw all our clothes into the laundry because our clothes were even grosser and dirtier.  There was  this random crazy ass dust storm that whipped up when we were at the Louvre - it got to a point where it looked like a mini-tornado).

crazy ass random dust storm at the Louvre (looking towards the Tuileries Garden)

Then sleep.  Blissful sleep.  Sorely need blissful sleep since the next day was Versailles.